...so i touched it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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