I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
