Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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