After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This house was built for laser tag.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
