Non-Jews are for practice
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
