I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sext me about skeletons
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize