if you like me you must not know who I am
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
