Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
