Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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