Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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(480): I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/fq9i

Replies (14) Good night (1969) Bad night (629)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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(250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14

Replies (8) Good night (2539) Bad night (852)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

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(609): ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! http://tfl.nu/wkf6

Replies (13) Good night (5322) Bad night (789)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face

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(304): I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face http://tfl.nu/lyd3

Replies (10) Good night (3396) Bad night (841)
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(801): View more from Utah

He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.

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(801): He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick. http://tfl.nu/gyi3

Replies (38) Good night (1172) Bad night (4760)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...

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(412): Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse... http://tfl.nu/ttob

Replies (8) Good night (1140) Bad night (3302)
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(607): View more from New York

Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

(607): View more from New York

Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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(607): Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head? (607): Nevermind, it's in the dryer. http://tfl.nu/r8jx

Replies (6) Good night (3543) Bad night (1017)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.

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(519): He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship. http://tfl.nu/txlk

Replies (20) Good night (966) Bad night (3465)
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(760): View more from California

Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.

(1-760): View more from California

Party city is having a sale on maracas

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(760): Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it. http://tfl.nu/7kaa

Replies (5) Good night (2404) Bad night (674)
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(573): View more from Missouri

He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"

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(573): He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut" http://tfl.nu/oeuu

Replies (3) Good night (1264) Bad night (531)
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(469): View more from Texas

HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.

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(469): HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK. http://tfl.nu/uhfo

Replies (5) Good night (1553) Bad night (678)
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(510): View more from California

I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.

(707): View more from California

The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.

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(510): I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no. (707): The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off. http://tfl.nu/haix

Replies (0) Good night (994) Bad night (429)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything

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(+44): Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls (+44): On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything http://tfl.nu/w86s

Replies (1) Good night (1086) Bad night (451)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.

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(860): You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night. http://tfl.nu/3rw4

Replies (0) Good night (637) Bad night (327)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'

(406): View more from Montana

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

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(307): Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina' (406): I AM SO PROUD OF YOU http://tfl.nu/0zsn

Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (331)

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