belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.