Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.