Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.