that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.