well I can't set my house on fire every night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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