i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
