Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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