My Higher Power is John Stamos
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
