Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You ruined the universe
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
