Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found your dick twin last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize