i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
