Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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