you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
