Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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