I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
