His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
