And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
