I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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