New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
