He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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