New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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