looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
