I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
