I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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