He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
