hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
