Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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