dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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