Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
