You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
