i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
