im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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