Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
