I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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