So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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