Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am available for nakedness
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
