i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
