Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
