I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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