mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
