Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't shave. On purpose
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
