M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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