So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
