What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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