It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
