I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
