According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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