Got a toothbrush?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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