well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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