Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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