mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
