I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
