I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize