do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize