i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
