Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
50% drunk capacity currently
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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