if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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